Things I will NEVER hear at work (as well as things I will ALWAYS hear)

I work in the IT department for a small sized company, and over time I’ve come to realize that no matter how long I will eventually end up working here, some situations will just always be true (or false depending on your perspective).  Just for fun I’ve listed a handful of things that I always (and never) will hear while performing my IT duties

Things I will never hear at work. . . .

  • My computer is WAY too fast!!!
  • I’d rather have a CRT than a flat panel monitor. . .
  • I got this virus because I was doing something that I KNEW I shouldn’t. . .
  • I tried to fix the issue myself (rebooting, checking the FAQ section of our Intranet, etc. . .) before I called you. . .

And things I will always hear at work. . .

  • I’m not sure if I should put this in a Help Desk Ticket or not  (BTW, the answer is yes – ALWAYS!!)
  • I need a flat panel monitor.   (You DO know you’ll still have to do the same work, even if you have a flat panel, right?)
  • My computer sucks and is a piece of sh*t!!!  (FYI, I already know this!  By the way, mine is a piece of sh*t too)
  • In your “spare time” could you take a look at <some issue>? (What the hell is spare time anyway???)